i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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