ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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