you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice