That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one