Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"