the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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