Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
