it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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