I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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