dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am naked and annoyed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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