You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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