I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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