We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
