I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
