I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
