Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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