I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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