Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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