The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize