thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
