dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
