when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
