I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.