I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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