twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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