and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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