I met the friendliest cop last night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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