Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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