What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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