Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
