new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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