does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize