She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe