New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you never un-have a 4some