summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dating After Heartbreak
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀