Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.