is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD