Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma