He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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