Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
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You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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