At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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