you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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