Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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