I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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