she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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