It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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