so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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