neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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