I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
