I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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