The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
