I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
