I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
