so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm passing your future prison.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
