did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's never too late to be topless.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
