if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
