Your face is a jimmy john
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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